boktjejernamedstil

Dear Love,

I am very much sorry for writing to you again. Albeit not sad enough to not send this to you, though I regret being such a hassle to you. I just want to tell you about a couple of things and I will start with the elderly couple I saw this morning. I was taking a morning walk in the park just down the street when I saw a man and a woman in their early 80's walk past me. They walked with folded hands and smiles on their faces and you know what I saw in their eyes? I saw what could have been me and you. They symbolised my hope and dreams that I had subconsciously burried deep into your chest when you were asleep at night. They had the love and all the time in the world that we could have had. It could really had been us, you know? Nevertheless that is in the past now, you have left me and made it very clear that you have no interest in me. I must admit that it was a lowblow the day I found you in her bed. I had not expected it when I heard the moans and the creeking of a bed. Honestly I thought it was her new boyfriend and theoretically it was her new boyfriend. It was you. The door was slightly ajar and I quote the song I saw red with Warrant: ”I didn't need to see his face, I saw yours”. With my sister, really? I wanted to ask but all I could do was to stutter and shut the door running downstairs without even putting a jacket on I ran out into the night. Even now I cry just thinking about it. There is something I need to tell you though and I need to warn you that I do not tell you this out of jealousy (but I am very jealous). This has happened before. The scenario was all to alike.

It was when my sister and I were younger and you had yet to move into our neighborhood. I was head over heels in a boy called Peter and I believe he was in me, too, at one time. He had caught me hook, line and sinker just by saying hello to me one day. Naïve as I was I thought were weree meant to last forever but one day when he had slept at my house like many times before he became absent minded. He had a guiltwritten expression on him every time he looked into my eyes but when I asked what was wrong he just shrugged it off (exactly like you did, remember?) A couple of days later I received a message from him saying: ”Anne I am so sorry for what I am about to tell you. I must take this over the phone because of my cowardice (ok, you got me, he did not admit to being a coward) but I must sadly enough inform you that I have fallen in love with someone else. Anne, I am in love with your sister and now that I have learned that it is not an unrequited love I want to give this love a chance. I am truly sincerely sorry, Peter”. The message took the breath out of me, I caged myself in the room and would vomit anytime I heard the moans from my sisters room down the hall. I swore to myself that I would never be stupid enough to fall in love again. It when exactly like planned but then you came into the picture and the 11 months that we shared was great, wonderful even.

That is why I wish you would remember me with just as much kindness that I feel when I think about you. Therefore, please, do not interpret this as words written out of a bitter heart. My heart is bitter alright, but not evil. I only wish you the best and now that I have received a marriage invitation from you and my sister I congratulate you. Let me tell you some things about my sister though. She is easily bored and has never been tied down longer than two months. Peter was dumped a week after they got together and he is just one of the many boys that have had their heart broken by my lovely sister Sophie. You are not a ordinary case, my love, so do not worry. You have been together for a year and that must mean she loves you. Maybe even more than I love you. Just take into consideration that she is new when it comes to love so she is bound to be clumsy, do not be harsh on her and value her endless. Shower her with so much love that she can not bear it any longer! To summon this up (so you do not get to tired to read it):
I hold no grudge against neither one of you whatsoever. I wish you luck in both life and love but I must turn down the invitation. Please forgive me and try to see thing out of my perspective, it would hurt to much when you both now that my love for you has not withered. This will be the last of my letters and we will see each other again and things will be alright, they will just be different. I will still love you, I will always love you only next time I see you I will love you as a sister-in-law.

Please tell Sophie I said hello.

Love,

what could have been (is gone now)

P.S Sorry about the wrinkles, I could not help but to cry again as I wrote this.

P.P.S I did not write that to make you feel guilty.

P.P.P.S If you did feel guilty then that is alright too.